A Dreamer’s Thoughts

School is all too often a dreadful place for some. I remember when I graduated 6 years ago, I was in cloud 9. Four years of staying up late to cope with assignments, projects, oral recitations, and extra-curricular activities had finally come to an end. I remember throwing my rented graduation cap high up in the air after the graduation exercises were over, and I felt like throwing all my worries to the wind. I was happy. Well, relieved is the more fitting term to describe the feeling I had. And after relief came excitement of finally being able to start working and earning money for myself. Who wouldn’t want independence?

Just a few days after graduation, I took to my word of going to a bigger (and more progressive) city to try my luck in the corporate world. My first job was as a call center agent—a technical support rep to be exact. And during that time, only few people had personal computers or knew the basics about computers. READ: I was close to being “computer illiterate.” I didn’t even know what a desktop was!

So the reason I chose to be a tech support rep (and not a plain customer service rep or sales rep, which is closer to my Commerce course) was because I wanted to learn more about computers. In my mind, I was learning and, at the same time, earning. Win-win situation!

One year after, I left the night-shift work and applied for a copyediting job. Luckily, I got hired and enjoyed the work for 6 months. This is not an attempt at sarcasm. I really did  enjoy editing manuscripts, which were written by American authors no less. I would’ve stayed longer with that company had it not been for the poor management of the company’s operations division. To salvage what was left of my respect for the company’s higher ups, I, together with few others who felt the same way and thought the same thing I did, left.

Naturally, having left a job without first searching for a replacement, I was jobless for months. And taking into account that I was renting a place with bills to pay and personal basic needs to fulfill, it was undoubtedly a horrible chapter in my life.

After months of job hunting, I got hired as a customer service rep of one of the members of the Fortune 500. As it was a US-based company with American customers, the job required working night shifts. But what set that company apart from call centers is that the mode of communication was e-mail. And there were no shifting schedules. My body clock was happy and pockets glad.

Two years of working in that company rewarded me with a promotion. I felt fulfilled, but not for long. A few months after the promotion,  I found myself in limbo. I felt tired. And I almost always cursed the 5 days of every week. I was weak—flesh and mind. My enthusiasm toward work and toward life oscillated, and things were coming into epic proportions. The graph of my life plummeted to a pit that I never knew existed. But I was almost certain that I wasn’t alone in that predicament. Others might have experienced worse. Then a comic bubble: I used to like this. I should be enjoying the fruits of what I have sown. But why am I unhappy? Why do I feel empty?

 

I knew the answer all along. I knew it from the moment I was still a child. And although I knew what I truly wanted to begin with, I kept putting it off for other things. I put off my dream for things. 

 

By the time this string of thoughts reaches my blog site for public readership, you (at least those who know me and who’ve seen me all geared up with a backpack at school today) should’ve probably known already what my dream was (and has always been). And I am hell-bent on completing this brand-new race with a lion’s heart.

So here I am today, winding up this train of thought with a pen and a notebook. It’s the first day of school and both my professors decided not to show up. Old habits die hard. Thanks to Noah for being my inspiration in writing this blog entry. This was my Facebook status early today:

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