A Dreamer’s Thoughts

School is all too often a dreadful place for some. I remember when I graduated 6 years ago, I was in cloud 9. Four years of staying up late to cope with assignments, projects, oral recitations, and extra-curricular activities had finally come to an end. I remember throwing my rented graduation cap high up in the air after the graduation exercises were over, and I felt like throwing all my worries to the wind. I was happy. Well, relieved is the more fitting term to describe the feeling I had. And after relief came excitement of finally being able to start working and earning money for myself. Who wouldn’t want independence?

Just a few days after graduation, I took to my word of going to a bigger (and more progressive) city to try my luck in the corporate world. My first job was as a call center agent—a technical support rep to be exact. And during that time, only few people had personal computers or knew the basics about computers. READ: I was close to being “computer illiterate.” I didn’t even know what a desktop was!

So the reason I chose to be a tech support rep (and not a plain customer service rep or sales rep, which is closer to my Commerce course) was because I wanted to learn more about computers. In my mind, I was learning and, at the same time, earning. Win-win situation!

One year after, I left the night-shift work and applied for a copyediting job. Luckily, I got hired and enjoyed the work for 6 months. This is not an attempt at sarcasm. I really did  enjoy editing manuscripts, which were written by American authors no less. I would’ve stayed longer with that company had it not been for the poor management of the company’s operations division. To salvage what was left of my respect for the company’s higher ups, I, together with few others who felt the same way and thought the same thing I did, left.

Naturally, having left a job without first searching for a replacement, I was jobless for months. And taking into account that I was renting a place with bills to pay and personal basic needs to fulfill, it was undoubtedly a horrible chapter in my life.

After months of job hunting, I got hired as a customer service rep of one of the members of the Fortune 500. As it was a US-based company with American customers, the job required working night shifts. But what set that company apart from call centers is that the mode of communication was e-mail. And there were no shifting schedules. My body clock was happy and pockets glad.

Two years of working in that company rewarded me with a promotion. I felt fulfilled, but not for long. A few months after the promotion,  I found myself in limbo. I felt tired. And I almost always cursed the 5 days of every week. I was weak—flesh and mind. My enthusiasm toward work and toward life oscillated, and things were coming into epic proportions. The graph of my life plummeted to a pit that I never knew existed. But I was almost certain that I wasn’t alone in that predicament. Others might have experienced worse. Then a comic bubble: I used to like this. I should be enjoying the fruits of what I have sown. But why am I unhappy? Why do I feel empty?

 

I knew the answer all along. I knew it from the moment I was still a child. And although I knew what I truly wanted to begin with, I kept putting it off for other things. I put off my dream for things. 

 

By the time this string of thoughts reaches my blog site for public readership, you (at least those who know me and who’ve seen me all geared up with a backpack at school today) should’ve probably known already what my dream was (and has always been). And I am hell-bent on completing this brand-new race with a lion’s heart.

So here I am today, winding up this train of thought with a pen and a notebook. It’s the first day of school and both my professors decided not to show up. Old habits die hard. Thanks to Noah for being my inspiration in writing this blog entry. This was my Facebook status early today:

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Of White Curtains and Orange Bed Sheets

Seven years ago, I had the visage of a ravenous teenager adamant in conquering the world. The circle of friends I had then consisted of people a few years older than me. A motley crowd, to say the least. To conclude that I was eager would be to understate in so many ways. Oh I was eager, all right. Eager to belong in a group, eager to grow up, eager to reach newfangled territories that I was shunned to tread for years past.

But besides that, it was the top of the world for me. At nineteen, I was at the peak of my adolescent years, when raging hormones and clamor for freedom and independence are at the extreme.

Being in the pink of health (not that I am sickly now), the options for me were endless. I did anything I fancy just because I could. Or I couldn’t but tried anyway. A rebel to my father’s admonitions and unorthodox in the face of strangers. I stood out all right. I was a girl trapped in boy’s clothes. Without my pony tail, I wouldn’t be so sure if one could spot the difference. I hobnobbed many times that it was nearly as painfully repetitive as M-W-F classes.

But I didn’t do drugs. I didn’t have tattoos of any kind–permanent or washable. No ugly piercings except two more in my right ear, which I did so meself due to emotional outrage. I was just that. EMO.

Fast-forward to 2011. The transformation, you could say, is stupendous. The unnecessary piercings have healed. The all-black outfit has gone to the deep recesses of the closet, retrieved only during timely occasions like burials. And late-night drinking sessions have long been over. Most importantly, the grey curtain of ill foreboding has been peeled off, unveiling a bright sky of hope, illuminating the room with brightness and cheerfulness, baring a clearer vision of unending possibilities.

Now each waking moment is greeted with a sliver of sunbeam, as if God from up high is calling, “Wake up, child. I give you this gift of a new day. Use it well.” Now that famous TV advertisement that asks, Para kanino ka bumabangon? All of a sudden, it’s not too difficult to answer anymore.

 

I should think it unlikely to revert back to the old dark curtains now. And this amber-and-orange bed sheet suits the room just fine.

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People Need People

While absolute dependence on other people is not good, having people around to share your ups and downs is a sweet blessing any man could have.

I’ve been poring over some ditsy things in my mind lately that I sometimes find myself staring into space. Mostly rationalizing whether my decisions have been right and whether the hopes I have for tomorrow would come to fruition. While analyzing things is generally good, there’s a thin line that separates it from worrying. Too much thinking about things leads to worrying, which, as we know, is unhealthy. So to avoid crossing over, God created people to hold us and keep us from dire straits. They often come in threes–family, friends, and, in rare occasions, strangers.

Just now, I found my blessing in having people in my life. While I’ve been losing my mind into space thinking about mundane stuff and whatnot, the husband deliberately interrupted my train of thought with a song and silly dance moves to go with it. In he came right in my full view and sang an action song while flapping imaginary wings and strutting invisible bird tail. I couldn’t help but titter at his silly antics. He’s such a clown! 😉

Ang mga ibon, na lumilipad

Ay mahal ng Diyos, ‘di kumukupas

Ang mga ibon na lumilipad

Ay mahal ng Diyos, ‘di kumukupas

‘Wag ka nang malungkot.

Oh, praise the Lord!

No man is an island. When God created the earth, he did not make one but two people–Adam and Eve. Which means God wants us to live with one another. He wants us to have relationships to cherish and keep in good times and in bad. Our troubles should not diminish our faith, for they give God the opportunity to demonstrate his power. And you know what I discovered? Our god is a happy god. In times when we feel downcast, he taps other humans to entertain us while he’s busy working on our prayer request. Our god is an awesome god. And he has the awesomest customer service in the world!

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ANIME: “The Girl Who Leapt Through Time”

It’s been a long time since I watched anime. I have become busy juggling work and wife chores that I barely find time anymore. In fact, I’m now severely outdated with the whereabouts of Naruto and Ichigo. I used to religiously watch every episode on YT or read the manga since it’s more updated, but eventually, the waiting game wore me out. (It takes days or weeks before the next episode is made available on both media.) But if there’s a will, there’s a way. So last week, my little otaku self indulged into some quality time with a 2006 anime movie a friend recommended. With its title, you could easily deduce it’s about time travel, but wait, there’s more.

If you’re an avid reader of this blog site, you should probably know by now that I don’t especially have the same level of interest between shojo and shonen. I prefer the latter type of anime because they’re more action-packed and less cheesy. But one of my delusional dreams is to time travel, so though this movie is obviously shojo, it passed straightway to my finicky taste. It’s about a high school girl  who falls in love with his friend and classmate who, unbeknownst to her, is someone from the faraway future where a technology to time travel already exists.

The story revolves around three friends: Makoto (the lead character), Chiaki (the boy from the future), and Kosuke (another guy friend). Makoto would accidentally acquire a power to time leap where she could go back minutes or hours before an event and edit some details to achieve a more pleasant result. For example, one time, she was speeding fast on her bicycle that she was run over by a train. Yes, I typed that right. She was hit by the train when she failed to halt at the Stop sign. But when she opened her eyes, she found herself back to minutes before the accident–alive and well. Later on, she uses her power to help other people.

But all good things must come to an end. She would discover that Chiaki is the real owner of that power. He misplaced the walnut-shaped container of the time leap formula that’s why he hasn’t been able to go back to his time–the future. Chiaki confesses that he would have to erase Makoto’s memories of him because nobody must know about the existence of the time leap technology, for it might change the timeline and affect history.

A good many scenes of this movie are potential tear jerkers if not for the comedic flavor of the lead character’s bawls. Remember Judy Abbott? All right, I am not gonna spoil the whole story out for you so go watch it. In case you’ll find the ending hanging (as I did), watch the 2010 version (not an anime) and I’m sure you’ll glean more understanding from there. It’s more of a sequel to the anime.

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Why Worry?

I refuse to work today. I refuse to click that file with the book ID I have just been assigned. I refuse to worry about the fifteen-page backlog that I now have because I spent a little too much time on the Internet yesterday. Today is Sunday. Today is No Work Day. I refuse to relinquish my right to a day off.

So I blog.

I’ve spent a large slice of my time worrying. I’ve worried about work deadlines. I’ve worried about burgeoning bills and shrinking budget. I’ve worried about what other people might think about me. When all along I knew worrying doesn’t bring any good, I still worry.

But when you take a step back and think about it, what’s the point? What’s the worst that could happen if I don’t meet my deadline? If I can’t pay my bills? It’s not as if I’d be doomed and can no longer be happy anymore because of a potential failure. There’s always another chance. Another try. If I fail today, all I have to do is seize another day and carry out better results. No point in punishing myself by working on a Sunday just because I chose to have a good time yesterday. Just because I chose to enjoy the blessings God gifted me. Or just because, as they say, I stopped and smelled the flowers.

There are times when we think too much about tomorrow. We worry about the future to the point that we forget to live in the present. Happens to me all the time. I’m not proud of it, but I’m thankful for people who remind me of life and how to live it. Number 1 is my husband who is also my best friend. Life is insanely short. And as if that’s not reason enough to celebrate life, time also flies so fast. And the time we spend worrying is nothing but wasted time, which we can never retrieve. As Gandhi said, “There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever.”

Now which movie to watch?

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Duwa-duwa. Magic-magic.

Last year, we went to an orphanage to share and give love to some of the less fortunate kids of Cebu. Aside from food and school supplies, we invited a clown and a magician (a co-employee) to help mollify the children. As it turned out, it looked as if the adults were more entertained than the kids. LOL.

Oh wait! Make that early this year. 😀

(Related blog entry: https://chumshei.wordpress.com/2011/01/22/for-goodness-sake/.)

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KarateDo

During the 2nd M. Lhuillier “Kwarta Padala” Invitational Karatedo Championship at the Ayala Center Cebu Active Zone.

Check out my earlier blog entry about  karate and my favorite karateka.

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